i need an iv and a liver transplant
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
