hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
