she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Drake has all the answers
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
