The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
