What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
