you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
