My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
