and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
