You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
