What a fucking waste of an outfit
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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