She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize