Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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