youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Sorry about my life...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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