dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
