Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
