No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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