I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
