In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
