I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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