If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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