no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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