You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize