You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
