i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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