She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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