I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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