why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
