just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
