if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
