end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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