So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
