OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
