I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
