If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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