He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
