32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize