ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
