took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize