she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
