Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How external is "for external use only"?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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