I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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