you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
