did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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