Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
