We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
