if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
