Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
