i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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