im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
