I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
