i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
