dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
