I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
