My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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