Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
