I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
