What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
