i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize