i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
