Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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