even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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