Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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