I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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