WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
