So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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