Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
